A Good Killing

Day 275:"No weapon formed against me shall prosper, and every tongue that rises up against me in judgment I condemn." (Isa. 53-17) I would never knowingly do anything to purposely hurt another person.

Recently I was accused of overlooking someone on purpose and it caused them to lash out at me. While the accusation was not true I was more amazed at my response. The old Rita would have been hurt by the accusation and probably called up family and friends to justify my positioning. In the past I've needed someone to agree with me. But not this time. I'm finally able to wrap my head around the fact that I can't control the behavior of other folks only how I respond to them.

I tell myself every other week how I'm going to "just do me." Yet, week after week, after week, I find myself involved in other people's stuff. Clearly, I have a high propensity for pain and even drama. If not, I wouldn't continue to repeat lessons already learned with people over and over again.

Even my kid's don't believe me when I tell them I've had enough and I'm pulling up and puling back. It appears that I either have a high tolerance for pain or it's very hard for me to let go of being an enabler. How do you just stop doing for other's when they show you over and over again that it's taken for granted? How do you shut the door on people who motivations don't line up with your own?. How do you not get amnesia with behaviors that have remained consistent in and out of time?

I could say I've battled this most of my life. But the truth is I've only put a label on my own behavior over the last three years. The good news is I recognize my weakness as it related to allowing people to kill you over and over again. You know people can only do to you what you allow don't you?

Today I take a firm stand against a good killing of Rita Love Owens over and over again. I stand with my lions girded about me and declare that a new day is dawning and I hear the sound of the abundance of rain.

Killing me sofetly...over.